Siguro Naman

Siguro tama na ang panay Ingles ko dito,

Kase naman Tagalog talaga ang wika ko.

Siguro tama na ang nalalaman ng mundo,

Tungkol sa lungkot at pighati ng pagmamahal ko noon.

Kaya nakapag isip-isip ako,

Na mas gawing personal ang mga sulat ko.

Kaya sa mga susunod na kabanata dito,

Gagawin ko ng Tagalog o Cebuano.

Siguro naman, kaya ko.

                                                                -Laezee

* Kanang dili jud sayon maghuna-huna kung unsa akong iingon diri, gahalo tanang salita sa akong utok. Kuyaw pero lingaw! Para diay kini sa tanang kasabot ug Tagalog o Bisaya kay ngano man gud sige kog English diri. Mao ni akoang pinaka-unang hisgut mahitungod sa akong ginahuna-huna na dili ko manosebleed inig suwat. Mas maayo na ni na usahay, kung kinsa ray kasabot, kasabot. Kapoy sad English kung naay ginabati na wa sad ka kasabot. Haha! Amping mo tanan kanunay!💚

 

Too Tired

It's almost four years since I chose a man;

Friends to lovers, I thought he was my last.

I can still recall how my smile would show,

The glow I felt inside whenever he messages me all day long.

But, what I realized after those years,

I only felt included but not the real thing.

The real thing of how true love is felt;

Despite distance, but truly a heartfelt.

Days went by and I learned to open up again,

"How are you?" has been the question I always get.

It was fun to talk to a lot of people at the same time,

But equally draining because all of them are only for a meantime.

I cannot deny I'm hoping for someone I can consistently talk,

Someone I can message anytime and won't mind to be disturbed,

Someone who is excited as me to know how our day went,

Someone who reciprocates my love, sweetness and care I gave for the day.

But, I guess people nowadays are just checking what's out there,

Messaging you only when it's convenient for them.

Disappears whenever they wanted and reappears just to keep you hooked,

The reason why it's too risky at the same time to remain open and true.

I cannot deny how much energy I always give,

For me to be protected and to always choose to leave.

As much as I wanted to remain courteous,

But spending too much energy is so luxurious.

I even thought of ghosting some people just to save me,

But my conscience is too clear to do the same what others did to me.

That's why I'm here again writing with some high hopes,

The only way for me to be saved from this crooked dating world.

I know somebody out there is searching for me,

I know somebody is out there who will do everything to put on one knee.

But, where are you? Can you please move a little bit fast?

'Coz I'm too tired of talking about the same stuffs.

-Laezee

 

Knowing You

Knowing You

I've been searching for true love,

As pure as a white dove.

I've been learning to say,

My feelings so it won't sound a cliché.

How funny people would always say,

"Be patient and you will meet him someday."

But no one ever tell how lonely it gets,

The waiting you don't know when will end.

But what I learned along the way,

As I write everything in an essay;

Love is not meant to be searched,

You don't even need to feel an urge.

Love is everywhere to be found,

Try to look who is around.

Because one thing is for sure,

"Knowing love is knowing you."

                                           -Laezee

Side story:
So, one of my best friend recommended the anime A Sign of Affection, as I'm starting to forget that heart-fluttery feeling when you like someone romantically. To cut the long story short, I checked it and realized, I can relate to the female lead, I, too, wonder what true love really feels like. And this poem was born. 

 

Who Doesn't

The more I adjust,
Is the more I understand.
That the person I'm dealing with,
Does not belong to the world I live in.

We all know that one is different from another,
But that doesn't mean, that only one will make a space for the other.
Compromise should have been the answer,
But too little would choose that kind of answer.

Silence has been so deafening,
I tried listening with my deaf ears.
But in the end I cannot stand with it;
I cannot ignore what I know is not real.

I speak up what others cannot;
I express what others have not.
Many have benefited with my empathy,
The reason why I don't choose who doesn't improve with me.

-Laezee

Same Reality

 

SAME REALITY

How can I unseen?
The things I've already seen.
How can I forget?
The things that float inside my head.

People will do everything,
To hide anything in between.
People will choose a lie,
Than to be confronted before they'll die.

But, by the time that I've been waiting will arrive,
With the new chapter I'm too eager to dive.
Where a new story is ready to unfold,
I'm ready to move forward to my next goal.

I'm ready to step forward and leave all my past;
I'm ready to choose the man who will be my last.
A man who is my true complimentary;
A man who shares the same reality with me.

                                                                          -Laezee

His Demon

 

His Demon

I felt the same breeze as last year,

The breeze that strike me with a spear.

It was the same day back then,

But the day will never be again.

My heart was smiling like it won't last;

And what I thought was just a mask.

I was so happy from my family outing,

But he instantly change everything to melancholy.

It was the night when I learned to say No;

To his demands I felt so absurd.

I tried putting a joke on what I felt;

But he took it so seriously, silent treatment was my penalty.

I thought he wanted to keep in touch,

But he showed me I was too much.

I thought he just wanted to hear me talk,

But he reappears with a hefty storm.

I did my best to support his likes and hobbies;

Didn't mind spending my own money.

I guess I was never enough;

For someone who only sees me as a bluff.

It was the day I first met this new demon,

I learned to listen to all his sermons.

Everyday was like a battlefield inside of me;

I asked God, "Please come and save me."

But the saving was not that easy;

It brought more pain after facing it.

The world showed me that it was breaking;

I stood firm, smiling like I was ready.

Everyday I fought hard to win every battle;

Everyday it shakes me and gave me a rattle.

I thought I was slaying my own demon,

But I realized, I was facing his untamed demon.

                                                           -Laezee

How Great It Is

 

How Great It Is

Stars always sparkle at night;
The sun continues to shine each sunrise.
You can never be the same;
You always grow each day.

Thoughts can be very burdensome;

It even makes us so dumb.

But everything is just inside our head;

Why not battle it with ideas that are great?

Great as the true love can be;

Finding its way from you to me.

Love is indeed the strongest energy;

You must also be strong to accept it.

How great the world it will be;

If our mind is full of love so dearly.

How great people will become;

If we remove pain that makes us numb.

                                        -Laezee

 

His Ego

He wants the best;

I was loved just to boost his confidence.

He chases phony status,

Was it ordered by his hypothalamus?

Enchanting every woman who looks at him,

How did it validate that he was existing?

I bet everything feels good with his liver and kidney.

My God help me! It's getting under my skin.

Cared, charmed and loved me so so well in public,

But why he can't do it when no one is watching?

Waiting for every endearing words to say,

But his careless words started drilling my heart to ache.

He remembers every word I say,

Pretending he never spoken that dug up my grave. 

My mind became twisted with the facts I knew;

How amazing, I didn't know what was true.

My innocent heart always chooses to love;

I don't know, but maybe he got drowned.

It felt everything that I gave was not enough.

They say, you are more than enough if it's true love.

He talks about love as if he mastered it;

Sharing godly verses that describes it.

But he never genuinely acted as one;

How funny, what a hypocrite he was.

He streams like a pro gamer;

Invited me to play and became my trainer.

Luckily, I ranked first with having most kills;

Childish it seems, he started playing without inviting me.

He speaks and acts as if he knows it all;

Sharing his knowledge he didn't know I knew.

I play dumb because I support his all,

But over time, he belittles me as so small.

How pathetic it was to believe he was mine;

Thinking I was his favorite like a fine wine.

Waiting to be seen again from how it started;

Waiting for his recklessness to be sweet again.

From the start I was only longing to be found,

By a soul who can cognize and discern mine.

With my high hopes and dreams to experience soul recognition;

I was found by his ego pretending to be my exception.

                                                                -Laezee

Author's note: 

    Memories flash back to the person who loved so well with small things that reminds them of him/her. Not the happy memories that would make them long for, but the memories that were meant to be told and forgotten; how terrifying their love became, how frightful it was and the learning it has. In a world full of broken people, their purest love became so rare, scarcity it is. May these genuine people find the soul who deserves them and be loved the same way that their soul can rest.

 

Only One Me

Sparkling eyes;

My brightest smiles.

All were seen by you;

All were the reason was you.

My untiring care;

I've always been there.

Because I loved you;

But where was you?

I found myself;

I am out of your shelf.

You realized my worth;

Yes, I am dearth.

Now, you're in search;

Dreading to purge.

You're starting to find me;

Oh! I forgot, I am only one me.

                                        -Laezee

 

Where to Begin

Where do I begin?
Where all I thought was magic became tragic.
Where do I begin?
Where all the excitement became panic.

I came across with a lot of men;
Came to know each one of them.
Some tried to capture my heart;
I can't deny, most of them have thrived.

I was caught off guard with some eyes;
I fell madly deeply in love, but it was a trap.
Touched by their thoughtfulness flattery care;
But yeah! They're like that with every woman they've met.

I was intoxicated by what they called love;
But at the end, I always question, "Was it love?"
Fascinated with what they tried to provide;
My God! It was only during at the start.

I met all the butterflies inside of me;

Can't forget all their flattery remarks dropped for me.

They sang me a song which became my favorite music to hear;

Thank God! They never finished singing it all for me.

Some even tried to dance just to make me laugh;

Saying my laughter was the best part.

They didn't know my happiness is not hard to find;

But I thank them for the effort, here's my high five!

I received roses that reflected their feelings;

I forgot to tell, I buy myself flowers every week.

But I always leave the best things for them to discover;

Sadly, they never found what I wanted to be discovered.

I can still remember the feeling like it was meant to be;
Forgetting all his flaws and loved him every inch.
But what was meant to be was not always as it is;
It became meant to be because I let myself believed it was it.

I was lied to, betrayed, left alone and shattered finely inside;
I started thinking what true love really feels like.
I asked myself what am I truly looking in a man;
"I am searching beyond infinity, a love so unconditionally."

But, I still don't know how and when to be sure;
That what I found was the one I've been praying, and is pure.
I still don't know that old feeling they keep telling me;
But maybe, if he's truly the one, he'll lead me where to begin.

                                                                        -Laezee

Who Are You

 Who Are You

My heart is not closing;
It is still open and waiting;
Not just for a tingling feeling;
But a tingling that is sparkling.

My soul keeps asking for a spark;
That only a soulful act can start.
Earthly things are becoming shady and dull;
It needs something beyond our sense of touch.

My mind as well is thinking:
"Where is the other half of my being?"
I hope he is not lost wandering;
But I still believe that he is up for something.

Something I've been waiting to have;
Something I am truly meant to have,
From someone who has been praying for me to have.
Oh Love of my life, who art thou?

                                               -Laezee

Wither or Grow

 

Wither or Grow

Pain is inevitable;

Pain is unforgettable.

We cannot hide from it;

We cannot run from it.

Pain runs through our veins,

It kills everything that felt like haven.

Pain colors everything with black and blues,

It makes anyone felt like they have no use.

But one should muster oneself and choose:

"Will you use it for you to grow?

Or let it make you wither as a whole?"

So, you choose.

                                                        -Laezee

Have Not Yet

 

Have Not Yet

The morning came, and I started to get up;

It was his blurred face that first popped up.

My eyes were trying to visualize him;

Oh! I forgot, I still haven't met him.

Days, weeks and months have gone so fast;

I am always at peace but I know I was made for someone.

I let doubts and fears run freely inside of me;

For sure, if he's the one, he won't let me feel any of it.

I really don't know what my soulmate would look like,

But definitely, it's my soul's other half in a body different from mine.

We may be physically separated at this very time,

Surely, I can extend my wait 'til I'll have him in my life.

-Laezee

Universe Inside

 

Universe Inside

I was looking up above,

Enjoying my coffee and trying to feel the warmth.

Having random thoughts and questions inside.

Why do people who told you they loved you,

    -chose to lose you, in the last part?

Why people do everything just to get you?

And eventually do anything to lose you?

These were the questions I couldn't find the answers,

Because I never thought I would seek those answers.

I tried to rationalize everything that has happened,

Burnt out myself just to forget every pain I didn't deserve.

But forgetting was not the right solution,

It only made me bleed more with every action.

Putting up walls as high as I could,

Raising standards so they'll have second thoughts with you.

Focusing more with the career goal I decided to choose;

These were the solutions I felt as a cure.

But each day as I tried to fathom these thoughts,

I can't deny that I was born with love.

The kind of love that was longing to give it to someone.

Sadly, the people were too crooked for it to have.

For now, I could only write what I wanted to say,

Because I haven't met someone yet who is willing to ache;

Who's willing to fight when you're too tired to trust.

And, I hope in this lifetime, you'll find someone

    -who deserves the universe you hide inside.

-Laezee

Start Over

 

Start Over

Everything has its own beginning;

The kind of beginning that everyone is wanting.

But what if you don't know where you're heading?

Will your life be always at the beginning?

Some things were meant to end.

To give yourself a time to mend.

It's exhausting to think to begin again;

To share a part of yourself again.

But you will not know how far you'll go;

If you won't stand up each time you fall.

It may be skeptical to immediately recover;

Remember, nothing will change if you won't start over.

-Laezee

My Christmas

 

My Christmas

Christmas day was my most awaited time of the year,

Looking forward for every gifts I will receive.

Excited for my favorite dish to eat;

I just can't wait to see my family all-day smiling.

But as the calendars were shedding its skin,

My perspectives became more realistic to deal with.

I started not to wait on Christmas day,

For I can do everything I wanted each day.

Randomly giving out gifts on their birthdays,

And eating my favorite dish on my most boring day.

I just can't have a life only for a day,

I chose to experience life each morning I gain.

Christmas must not be used as an excuse,

For most people use it for their ego to boost.

May your Christmas be filled with genuine happiness,

Happiness that only you can choose to happen.

Never be fooled by how the world defines it,

For everyone will have something about it.

Just remember, Christmas day is a celebration of birth of life through birth of Christ.

Accept everything.

Be grateful for it.

And forgive everything in between.

"May everyone have the Merriest Christmas that you deserve, not only today but everyday."

                                            -Laezee

The Only Way Out

 

The Only Way Out

“Be aware: Positivity won't cure a mental illness.”

The say it's only a bad day, it'll be alright;

With an overwhelming inability to live life.

However, unnoticeable things started to show up;

Having so much more than any one word can describe.

Everything feels too heavy on the inside,

It was insidious, creeping in and building up over time.

The low is so low that it seems to take you over.

Unknowingly, the black cloud is being overheard.

Darkness surrounded you and was left all alone,

Making it so hard to come out of it alone.

You started to live with the darkness and getting used to it,

Thinking it was the only solution and you feel safer with it.

But have courage to ignite a spark,

To give yourself a shed of light.

And try to see what surrounds you,

You will see, I've always been there, smiling at you.

I don't need any explanation from you,

Your eyes will tell everything about you.

Just grab my hand and hold them tight,

I'll lead you the way;

The only way out.

                                                                             -Laezee

Author's note:

    "Sometimes we tend to forget what God has made for us, not until someone showed it to us. So, muster the courage to accept everything around you, for you to see the people who were meant for you."

(The word "I" as aforementioned, can be God and/or someone who loves you so much used by God for your true and complete healing.)

Forgive

 FORGIVE

We all have our own past, everyone does;

the kind of past with our different lives.

The story we always want to skip;

the mistakes we want to clean.

It may be too painful to remember;

too shameful to be told.

But  life is our journey to take;

not anyone's judgement to take you over.

Forgive yourself;

think and sort out everything.

Face everything with grace;

and fight with a smile.

Don't let them kill your happiness;

live a happy life.

They only know few chapters of your story;

not your entire life story.

AND, be with people who believes in you;

not with what you told them to,

but because they choose you.

Be a good person for them and for yourself too.

SO FORGIVE YOURSELF and LIVE.

                                                                                            -Laezee

Love, Life

Love, Life

Life asked Love, "Why do you keep on loving after breaking? You make me feel miserable every after. Have you not thought of me too?" Love paused for a moment, breathes deeply, looked around, smiled and said, "If I will stop loving, life will have no meaning. And because of love, there is life. I give reasons for everything." Life smiled for the first time.

-Laezee

Have you?

Have You?

Have you ever 

been in love?

With the kind of love- 
that only heart can see?

That kind of love-
for our soul to keep?

That kind of love that has nothing to ask;
kind of love that has no desires for lust.
Not only with the flattery feeling it gives,
But a kind of love with magnificent insanity.

So, have you ever been in love?
With the kind of love,
that we are dreaming?

-Laezee