"People are craving for deep and genuine connection, and yet, wears a mask in every interaction."
-Laezee
It's Holy Week for us Catholics, so, I grabbed this opportunity to dive deeper again within me. The self-talks I always find so painful yet comforting, I decided to meet again the younger me. The younger me who's been so tough from the very beginning. I owe her so much that I decided to write this open letter, for her to read and be reminded that when life gives her thousand reasons to cry, show life that she has million reasons to smile.
To the Girl Who Isn't Afraid of Staying True,
How are you? Do you feel heavy these days? Are you happy? How's life been to you? I know it is so hard to stay intact when life gives you so many reasons to break apart. And I know, it is very hard to open up, when all you have are fears, doubts and anxieties. But let me tell you this, I am here now, I will listen to all your nags, your frets and everything you just want to drop. I'll be your big sister, your mother, your aunt, and your best friend in one.
So, let me begin......
I remember you always ask me, "Why do people easily get angry? With just one mistake I did, they burst into anger and turn into rage which puts so much hate on me?" Anger is something we felt when our expectations aren't met. We get angry because people are acting the way they wanted to and not the way we wanted them to be. Everything starts with expecting that the world will go on our way. But hey! Life always has its own way and yet, people are just so unrealistic, perfectionist and controlling. People who are fearful are easily manipulated and to be controlled with. Thus, there's no doubt, anger is the way in order to inflict fear, because, we tend to submit if one is angry. So, don't wonder why some people just get angry over small things, they want to gain control over it. And, don't ever let yourself be carried away with it, people who truly know thyself never gets angry easily; they don't even know how to get angry, they just laugh over mistakes and flaws. And that's how you'll know a genuine one.
You also asked me before, "Why do people lie?" Well, darling, lies are product of shame. The moment we felt ashamed of who and what we are, the life we have, people start telling lies with themselves just to cover up the shame they felt. People expect so much about their lives as if it can be as perfect as how the social media shows. But, let me remind you of one thing, life that are too good to be true to look at are not always good as you expect it to be. Life is beautiful as it is, it is the society that created the definition of beauty according to society's level of expectation. That's why, many people has the audacity to tell a lie, because they are protecting the self-image they created, they don't want to feel shame compared to the people they know, and they already have this habit of telling lies because it gave them the sense of comfort despite distortion. So, don't wonder why people are so depressed these days, because the life they thought they have is actually the complete opposite of the real life they have. Genuine people doesn't mind being confronted about everything, they never hide, and that's how you'll know.
And the repeating question you always ask me, "Why do people leave?" Honey, people leave because they were never meant for you. People leave because they know you are not for them, for whatever reasons it may be, they know they are not for you. Because you see, if a person really wants to be part of your life, he/she will do an effort to meet you halfway, to be on the same page as you. You'll know it for sure, and by knowing it, you eventually allow them to be part of it. And oh? About your follow-up question, "Why do people still choose to leave even after allowing them be part of your life?" Well, this is the saddest and painful part. But, people will only meet you as deep as they met themselves. For sure, there is so much newness when entering your life, and there's no doubt that your life requires more genuineness which sadly, they never ever gave to themselves. Your pureness really attracts a lot of soul in this world my love, because most people aren't even pure with themselves. They want to experience pureness under one's attention and presence, but later on, they will realize, pureness requires pureness as well. And that's why they just chose to leave, they can't handle so much newness and genuineness around your presence. You can't change them as well, only them can choose to change themselves. Just remember, some disconnections are a blessing, especially if you're with a pure heart, my dear. And genuine people won't walk away that easily, you need to break their trust first before they'll choose to leave, that's how you'll know.
Talking about all the negativity you learned. The sorrow, the grief, the anger, the rage, the resentments and all the negativity you had ever felt have brought so much meaning to me that I now finally understand it. I know it was not easy to deal all these emotions alone, especially when all you know about is love. But, it opened my eyes, that these emotions were not really your fault, it has nothing to do with you to be precise. These negative emotions were thrown to you by people who had nothing but anger, grief, resentments, hate, and rage with the intention of making you the same. You see, we cannot give what we do not have. So, if people gave you hate and sorrow, that only means, what they only have is hate and sorrow. It really has nothing to do with you. The love you already have will be overflowing within you if you're with a genuine one, that's how you'll know.
People may have insulted you, and done the things they told you that they will never do to you, betrayal and hypocrisy at its finest so to speak. I know it's painful to know and experience these things, but again, these have nothing to do with you. Their actions are not a reflection of you. The words and actions they spoke and shown to you are all reflection of who they really are. That's why always see the acts and don't just listen to their words. Your action is the reflection of the direct manifestation of your own inner thoughts, values and beliefs. What we do is the mirror of who we truly are, and the words we speak has really no bearing with who we really are. So, if the words and actions totally, a hundred percent, match during in all circumstances, that's how you'll know a genuine one. Genuine people live by their words and actions, and not just by words.
You see, we all go through life and experience all life's ups and downs since the day we were born. It may come in different forms and situations, but it all happened for us to learn and grow. And yet, many people, no, most people always chooses to cover these up. They wear masks, tell lies for them to cope up with what they shame about. But, are they really helping themselves? Of course not. That's why I am so proud of you, for staying true, for being so transparent and pure amidst all the people who tried to color you gray and blue. And that makes you so different in this generation, that makes us so unique and new.
But, do you know what the funny thing is? People loves to wear masks and yet, they keep on blaming the world that no one understands them? So, I always have this question I always keep and hoping to ask even one of them someday, "How can you expect understanding if you're not being real in the first place? How will you know and meet your people who were made to understand you if you yourself cannot stay true?" For me, they have no right to blame anyone, they should blame themselves from the very start.
Though I also understand why people always choose to tell a lie, to cover up, because they believe that no one will listen nor believe them, so why stay true anyway. But, does it really need for everyone to understand each one of us? Definitely not! People think what they want to think, and believe what they want to believe. You cannot please everyone, so to speak. So, why bother in making others believe your standing? Life isn't a debate where you need to win your stand and the other will lose. You don't even need to please anyone. Life is given for us to experience and not prove that we are truly living. You only need too few genuine individuals to live a genuine life, some people are just distractions, temptations. Some people are just here on Earth to repeat the same mistakes and will never learn. So why bother?
Oh, and about the healing? People expect to heal if they will keep on covering their wounds. But haven't they thought about, that real wounds won't heal fast if you keep on covering it up, it will only fester. So, you choose.
Despite of everything, I am forever grateful to you for always keeping the glow inside your heart. Your genuineness, your vibrant colors that's too bright for others to see and your childish part that is always fun to be with, were all made part of who you are. I know you received so much pain from the very start, inflicted wounds to yourself that I even saw with my own eyes. But, I just want to remind you, none of those pain are for you, you just met people who don't know how to love themselves. I know it was not an easy task to keep healing yourself every now and then, that's why I am here now, your adult me, I can help you heal as much as you need. I will heal all those years you thought were too broken to be healed. You can definitely stay unguarded all the time, you can rest and enjoy being as you are. I am here now, your adult me, my little zelf. So, don't ever worry now.
And I want you to know, I'm so proud of you on how you keep yourself firm from the very start, thank you for letting me appear as the woman you ever wanted to be. I may still be a work-in-progress, because life has always something for us to learn, but I know we can face it all, hand-in-hand. There may be times that everything might seems so heavy for both of us, let's not hesitate to cry. Crying has been the sign that we are living. Remember, we were obligated to cry right at the moment when we were born. And crying cleans our eyes for clearer vision. So, let's cry as much as we want because we live.
As my final reminder to you, the younger zelf, stay genuine and real as much as you can. It is the only way you will recognize genuine and real people around. I wish you nothing but genuine happiness and pure awesomeness. May we attract more of our own kind. Advance Happy Easter! Stay blissful! I love you my younger me!💚
From the Woman You Dreamt About,
The Adult Me (Leizel)
