No One Is Ever Busy

 

No One Is Ever Busy

Thereafter's Special Chapter

Time is of the essence, it is something you cannot take back once it is given. Giving time is also giving out of energy for something and/or for someone. And time is very important in any relationship this world can have.

But why some people can't give an ample time to the people they love? Was there truly love? Or they just love the idea of having someone who can accompany them when time gets rough? Selfish right?

I've always been a type of person who would rather choose more meaningful moments with the people I love and care about rather than running around in a constant state of mindless busyness. Wherein, I always believe that, "A busy life is not the same as a meaningful one." I always prefer choosing meaningful priorities in life.

How a person spends most of his/her time in a day truly speaks more about what type a person he/she is. I've seen a lot of people who would do anything just to keep themselves being excessively caught up with their lives and forget how to live a life, because I do too became one, which I am practicing to unlearn it. Over time, I always remind myself not to forget the time I need to give to the people I love. 

This time, I always had this thought in mind of how some people in a relationship can keep up with their day without hearing anything from their partners? How can you end up your day without hearing something from the person you love? Is it normal? Of course, NOT.

Some would say it is about knowing what priority number you are. But how can a person not include the person they chose to love in their top priority list? And this time, I came to learn about emotional unavailable men.

Dating emotional unavailable men are some of the worst experiences I had. Constantly prodding to open up but shuts down whenever you want to find out what's happening inside his head. And you will be left facing and dealing the discomfort alone.

Living a day with always having a guess if should I say this or not, is it worth sharing or does he mind knowing this small details I have, has been a day to day unnecessary thoughts running inside my head. Waiting for him to message me first and/or reply to my unread messages. But at the end, I am always left telling myself maybe he's just too busy and exhausted for the day, because I only get his deafening silence not only for a day but for a week. And whenever I get a reply, I only read his words of excessive tiredness that he just wanted to sleep. Unconditionally, I chose to understand it.

And this became an everyday battle inside of me, the battle I know that isn't worth fighting for. You will start to think of your own worth, the whys and what ifs won't stop popping up like popcorns that were heated in a pan. I can't deny the emotional distress it had brought along with.

"Can he not give me time, even for few minutes in a day just to hear him or me?" Has been my everyday concern knowing we're in a long distance relationship that we didn't choose. It is natural to have eagerness to know if he is doing well, how was his day or just to talk about anything just to help each other unload the unnecessary burdens deep within; be the source of comfort and rest for each other.  Despite the circumstances, there's still means of communication that didn't bar us from making each other part of our days thanks to chat apps. However, he didn't do anything for me to be part of his day. Perhaps, I am in his least priority, my existence isn't comforting for him,  maybe, he only needs me for his ego boosting.

You see, knowing what to look for sometimes saves you so much time in waiting before everything will be unfolded on its own time. I hated to be a stalker but I became one just to ease the mind that seeks answers of my whys. And knowing that everything was intentional and not because of the uncontrolled circumstances of the relationship status we're in was too much to consume for the mind to believe the reality I was in. I was lied and betrayed again.

The moment I started seeing myself doing again the things I never wanted to do in the first place. little did I know, I broke myself again with the the thoughts I thought it was. 

Thereafter Chapter II: I Thought It Was will tell everything what the mind wants to end.

-Laezee