No One Is Ever Busy

 

No One Is Ever Busy

Thereafter's Special Chapter

Time is of the essence, it is something you cannot take back once it is given. Giving time is also giving out of energy for something and/or for someone. And time is very important in any relationship this world can have.

But why some people can't give an ample time to the people they love? Was there truly love? Or they just love the idea of having someone who can accompany them when time gets rough? Selfish right?

I've always been a type of person who would rather choose more meaningful moments with the people I love and care about rather than running around in a constant state of mindless busyness. Wherein, I always believe that, "A busy life is not the same as a meaningful one." I always prefer choosing meaningful priorities in life.

How a person spends most of his/her time in a day truly speaks more about what type a person he/she is. I've seen a lot of people who would do anything just to keep themselves being excessively caught up with their lives and forget how to live a life, because I do too became one, which I am practicing to unlearn it. Over time, I always remind myself not to forget the time I need to give to the people I love. 

This time, I always had this thought in mind of how some people in a relationship can keep up with their day without hearing anything from their partners? How can you end up your day without hearing something from the person you love? Is it normal? Of course, NOT.

Some would say it is about knowing what priority number you are. But how can a person not include the person they chose to love in their top priority list? And this time, I came to learn about emotional unavailable men.

Dating emotional unavailable men are some of the worst experiences I had. Constantly prodding to open up but shuts down whenever you want to find out what's happening inside his head. And you will be left facing and dealing the discomfort alone.

Living a day with always having a guess if should I say this or not, is it worth sharing or does he mind knowing this small details I have, has been a day to day unnecessary thoughts running inside my head. Waiting for him to message me first and/or reply to my unread messages. But at the end, I am always left telling myself maybe he's just too busy and exhausted for the day, because I only get his deafening silence not only for a day but for a week. And whenever I get a reply, I only read his words of excessive tiredness that he just wanted to sleep. Unconditionally, I chose to understand it.

And this became an everyday battle inside of me, the battle I know that isn't worth fighting for. You will start to think of your own worth, the whys and what ifs won't stop popping up like popcorns that were heated in a pan. I can't deny the emotional distress it had brought along with.

"Can he not give me time, even for few minutes in a day just to hear him or me?" Has been my everyday concern knowing we're in a long distance relationship that we didn't choose. It is natural to have eagerness to know if he is doing well, how was his day or just to talk about anything just to help each other unload the unnecessary burdens deep within; be the source of comfort and rest for each other.  Despite the circumstances, there's still means of communication that didn't bar us from making each other part of our days thanks to chat apps. However, he didn't do anything for me to be part of his day. Perhaps, I am in his least priority, my existence isn't comforting for him,  maybe, he only needs me for his ego boosting.

You see, knowing what to look for sometimes saves you so much time in waiting before everything will be unfolded on its own time. I hated to be a stalker but I became one just to ease the mind that seeks answers of my whys. And knowing that everything was intentional and not because of the uncontrolled circumstances of the relationship status we're in was too much to consume for the mind to believe the reality I was in. I was lied and betrayed again.

The moment I started seeing myself doing again the things I never wanted to do in the first place. little did I know, I broke myself again with the the thoughts I thought it was. 

Thereafter Chapter II: I Thought It Was will tell everything what the mind wants to end.

-Laezee

The Library

 

The Library

(A Short Story_Valentine Special)

"People do come and go, like in a library where people come to loan a book. Some may return and seldom come back, some never came back, but it's too rare to see someone staying longer just to read every book that a shelf can have."

It was past sunset when she started to enter her library and ready to put another book in a shelf that was already half-filled. She was looking around as the hall was too quiet yet felt empty despite the books around. She's at peace but something is missing.

After putting back the last book in it's original shelf, she heard a soft sound of giggles not too far from were she was standing. Frightened a bit, anxiety started to creep in. But the mysterious noise continue, the sound of giggles became happiness to her ears; her anxiety was replaced with curiosity.

Walking silently across every shelf, she finally found where the giggles came from. A person was sitting on the floor in between the shelves that no one had dared to check. She peeps over the old books and saw that he was reading the book she forgotten existed, too long to be remembered that she had it in the first place. The book she thought already buried and out of mind.

Minutes have gone so fast and he was still reading every page the book has. She was too curious on what were written in there as he was enjoying himself in every page he's in. With her unguarded clumsiness, he noticed that someone was there, observing him. He closed the book and said, "Sorry to frightened you, but you can come out."

She slowly walked out from where she was hiding and replied, "Sorry to disturb you as well. But you see, the library is almost closed. Why are you still here?"

"I was enjoying reading this book. Sorry for creating a scene for awhile." He answered.

Out of intrigue, she added, "I thought nobody was checking this side of the library. I even forgotten that book you are holding is existing. Thank you for showing interest to it."

He looked straight into her eyes and smile. Then said, "I see, you never recognized me, but I am always here inside the library, reading every book that my curiosity calls me. But that's okay. I always see you giving too much attention to every person who would come by and loan a book. I know you were too busy attending to their needs first."

She smirked and replied, "They were too enthusiastic at first and hyper whenever they try to loan a book. I thought it was amazing, but over time, after returning the book they've borrowed and never showed interest again in another book, it felt weird, odd and draining. But that's how it is, people would only choose to read what excites them and if there's nothing left, they leave."

He interrupted, "Maybe you were just too focused on the people who are doing their best just to catch your attention for you to lend them your book. And you started to forget that there are some, too few, who enjoys reading here and comes back to have another book."

Have nothing left to say, she immediately asked for him to leave because the library is closing for tonight. But he added, "I only see you from afar, observing every smile you put on your face with every person who showed interest in borrowing your book. I even see you sitting empty on your table with have nothing to work on. I know it took me for awhile to have this time, but you see, every page of your book is worthy of every second I have."

"I never borrowed any of your book, because it feels more lively to read every single page here, with the author with me even you didn't notice me." He added.

Tongue tied and confused, she had no reply.

He lend out his hand and asked, "Wanna see my library this time?"

Anxious and full of doubts, she didn't respond.

He looked at her, smile, walked closely and slowly grabbed her hands. "I'll be with you as I tour you around. Please, be at ease with me all the time."

~

Life is like a library. The experiences we had became the stories to tell written in every book we try to share. Some may have long forgotten but it's still there, and some were too trendy for most of the people to be hyped about and read it when it's up to tell. But lucky are those who finds someone who never gets tired reading every page of every book you have to share. May you find each other in this lifetime.

~The End~

                                                                                                                -Laezee