Of all the drafts I intentionally kept unpublished, I never thought that this will be my returning post after 1 year and 11 months of silence here.
My write-ups had always been about my past heartaches and how I faced everything in between before I started to heal. I know this may be too much of a cliché and too cringe to read, but I want to start my high hopes with this. To the man that I haven't met yet, to the man who is waiting for me in the future, this is all for you.
Dear Future Husband,
How are you? How's life had been to you? Me? I'm fine, stumbled a lot of times and got up with my own two feet all the time. Everything has been a rollercoaster ride for me, but still, I always choose to smile having no signs of giving up. But this time I'm too eager to ask you this, "Are you not tired of playing hide and seek with me?" Because me, I might deny it most of the time, but honestly, I am getting tired as time passes by. I started to get comfortable of still not knowing you, but I also not want to end my high hopes of finding you.
If you're wondering why I ended up writing you this, I actually have no plans, at least. But as you know, Pinterest has been my go-to app whenever I feel like I can't do anything right, and a post came out on my wall that gave me an emotional outburst that led me to tears and started asking, "Where are you?"
You see, I may be a strong woman who handled many things, slayed many dragons ever since. I may always had a happy and positive outlook in life, but I also dream of removing all my armors and be vulnerable with life. I never thought that the pain of agony in waiting would visit me unconsciously, but as I look at my window last night, I need to be back with my reality that I've been crying alone with me.
Sad right? I guess that is the price I need to pay before knowing you. I'm doing my best to remain soft amidst the strength and courage I gathered every battle. I once told you to take your time in finding me, that I have books that can cover your spot for the meantime, but I guess, truth can never be remain hidden for a long time. I'm dreading not to know you all this time.
I never thought that words would fill up my head again. Was it you? Intentionally crossing my mind for me to be reminded again? So I decided to hype up myself with the idea of you. I decided to write you a letter each day having you as my recipient in the end. I have kept so many stories that I've been longing to tell you, but until when should I keep them? Nonetheless, this is the only way for me to not get lost along the way, I must keep it this way.
And there, I saw the planner that my father (your future father-in-law so to speak) gave me for this year. You know what, my father always gets me this kind of planner in a local pharmacy using his loyalty points, because he knows that I love their planner, perfect for my writing. Their planner is more of a notebook than a planner, having more notes for you to write on. Just so you know, I am loved and cared by 3 great men before knowing you, my father and my two older brothers. So don't ask me why I raised my standards so high. I am beyond blessed with all the love I received, and they deserve to be respected by the man I'll choose to live with.
Honestly, I still don't know where to begin. Ashamed to admit, but I already forgot what it feels like when your heart would skip a beat for someone. I've become so comfortable making myself happy all along. I get so overwhelmed sometimes with anyone, I admit, it is too shameful most of the time. That's why I intend to keep my sight only for you, I'll keep you posted in my notebook.
Just so you know, whenever it feels like my world is whirling around, I always choose to hold a pen and a notebook, and write everything that pops up. Whenever I am upset, don't feel pressured to cheer me up, I tend to write it all most of the time. But if you will offer me your hand, I'll gladly let go of my pen and choose to hold you tightly.
I hope you won't mind reading it all soon. I actually started my first letter today, that's why I chose to publish this today as well. I hope you will not take longer to find me, because I might write you in million papers (haha) with all my agonies and hopes of meeting. But I don't want to take much of your time in reading it all when you're finally with me, so I keep every letter in one page and ofcourse with my beautiful handwriting on it.
I hope you're always having a great day, but oh, I forgot, I know your days will still be lacking without me in it. I might be not at my best these days, don't worry, I can still manage everything, at least.
I'm excited to meet you soon, I hope you too. Thank you for making the future a little less scary for me to think about. I'll do my best to guard my heart with everything I have. See you very soon my love!
Your Future Wife,
Leizel Zafra💚
